


Slow hands

by ishipthat



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Season/Series 01, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Set post season 1 in a slight au, almost pre-slash, dirk is soft and afraid, todd is a timid yet nosey bugger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 13:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12654399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipthat/pseuds/ishipthat
Summary: Dirk is suffering from post-Blackwing related nightmares. Todd seems to be the only one who can help.Will Todd fix him or will Dirk pull away before he has the chance?





	Slow hands

**Author's Note:**

> I’m heckin tired and I’ve only just finished this bitch. I’ll probably clean up and proof this at not-2am. 
> 
> Oi Toads, love u

 

It starts with his door creaking open at 3am. He hears footsteps approaching the bed and tries to silently reach beneath his pillow to grab the knife he’s been keeping there since… well, since everything.

“Todd, are you awake?” Comes Dirk’s soft voice in the dim light of the apartment.

He sits up quickly and frowns. “Dirk, what the hell? I thought you were, I don’t know, someone breaking in to kill me.”

“Sorry.” He’s small and quiet in the otherwise cluttered atmosphere of the room, and it’s such a juxtaposition to his normal aura that Todd falters.

“What happened?” He tries to sound comforting but it comes out grouchy.

“Sorry,” Dirk says again. “I had a rather terrible dream. I wasn’t sure if, maybe, some of it was real.” He’s wringing his hands against his stomach in an uncharacteristic gesture that has Todd squinting to check it’s actually happening. His shoulders are hunched, and his head’s turned towards the window as if avoiding looking at anything that matters.

“What was it about?”

“I don’t know if I should say. Glad you’re awake though. Can I stay here? My place is very cold and boring.” He rocks on the balls of his feet.

“Woah, woah. I don’t exactly have a functioning couch anymore, Dirk. You can’t sleep on my floor.”

“No I meant, can I sleep _with_ you?” His voice held a bit more energy as he stepped forward a little. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Hearing the words ‘can I sleep with you’ tumbling so easily from Dirk’s mouth conjured up a plethora of images that had no place existing in Todd’s brain at a time like this. His friend was obviously seriously upset and he was far too tired to unpick that bullshit.

“Fuck it.” He muttered, pulling the bedsheets back and flopping down, facing pointedly away from the sight of Dirk climbing excitedly into his bed. Like a rabbit racing down a foxhole in search of a new friend.

* * *

 

 

Todd didn’t remember getting back to sleep, but he certainly remembered sharing a bed with a fidgety Dirk all night. At one point he’d woken up to what felt like a tentative hand finding his chest, pressing against his heart in a way that made his chest constrict.

When he woke up it was still there. And attached to one Dirk Gently. Except now his fingers were gripped tight on his soft cotton shirt, flexing and shaking. Todd turned slightly to see Dirk’s face pinched in distress, legs thrashing slightly. He reached out to- god, touch him? Try and smooth him awake? He didn’t know, so he settled for placing his hand lightly over the one still clutching at him desperately.

It seemed to work.

When Dirk woke a short while later he slipped his hand out from under Todd’s without appearing to realise it had even been there in the first place, rolling off the mattress and trudging over to the door.

He was out of it and gone in seconds. Todd gaped at the now closed door and tried to process exactly what the _fuck_ just happened.

Dirk was back an hour later, showered and dressed, pushing a paper cup of coffee into Todd’s hands.

“Todd! Wakey wakey, you sleepy thing. We’ve got a fantastic case that just appeared, quite literally, on my doorstep! Let’s get to it. I’ll text Farah.”

The day progressed in such a fashion that Todd was inclined to believe the events of the previous night and morning were nothing more than an elaborate hallucination. Probably brought on by a gas leak, or something equally as explainable.

That was, until Dirk returned, not two nights later. It was 3am again.

“Todd?” It was a frail imitation of the other night.

“Yes Dirk?” This time he didn’t bother sitting up to address his friend, finding far too much comfort in his current bubble of heat.

“It happened again. Worse this time.” His voice was pinched and wobbling.

“Ok.” Was all Todd had to say before Dirk was gingerly slipping beneath the covers. He laid flat and full of tension. It was distracting. “Just relax. You’re safe.” He said, lips smashed against the pillow making his words slur.

“Am I though.”

After a minute of silence Todd heard a short hiccup and his eyes flew open instinctively. Although it turned out not to be a hiccup at all. It was a sob, and a fresh trail of tears burst forth from Dirk’s eyes in a way that prickled at Todd.

“Hey,” Todd pushed a hand through the covers to find Dirks shoulder. It landed on his hand instead, balled tightly into a fist like he was trying to fight his emotions off. “Dirk, talk to me.”

He was wide awake now, and moving up to look properly at the other man. At the sound of Todd’s words his resolve crumbled and a steady stream of sobs broke forward, each noise full of more pain and desperation than the last.

Todd had, unfortunately, seen Dirk cry before. But not like this. This was- this was fucking _heartbreaking_.

“Sorry.” He choked out between whimpers. “Sorry, it’s just the dream. I keep seeing it.”

“Seeing what?”

“Nothing.” Dirk curls in on himself – and away from Todd – defensively.

“C’mon,” Todd sits up, putting a hand of Dirk’s shoulder to roll him back. “It’s not real. Whatever it is, it won’t happen.”

“You don’t _know that_ , Todd. You can’t possibly- no one can know if it’s real. It certainly feels real and-“ he’s cut off but another deep, loud sob. It punches Todd right in the gut.

“Is there anything I can like, do? To help or. Something.”

Todd figured that maybe nightmares were a regular thing for Dirk, as someone that’d spent a significant portion of their life in a government facility that sounded entirely unpleasant. There must’ve been something that made it easier.

“My mum,” He says quickly, as of by accident, and Todd would’ve thought he’d misheard if the words hadn’t echoed clearly back at him. “When I was small I used to see things in my dreams. She’d always know somehow. She would already be there on the edge of my bed, ready to kiss my head and make the bad pictures go away.”

It hangs in the air, an unspoken request that Todd is all too ready to give.

“C’mere, closer.” He takes handfuls of Dirk, shifting his body so he’s scooped under Todd’s arm, head tucked under his chin, and long arms splayed between them. “I’ve got you.” He whispers before pressing a kiss to Dirk’s clammy forehead.

“Is that better?” Suddenly he’s doubting himself. Maybe it wasn’t what Dirk wanted. Maybe he was just recalling a part of his childhood to try and sooth himself. Maybe he didn’t want Todd intruding on a memory that clung to his mother.

Dirk sort of melts into Todd’s body then, and he relaxes. “A bit, yeah.” So Todd kisses him again, just a quick press of his lips at the crown of his hair, and Dirk sighs.

They’re unmoving in the moment for what seems like hours before Dirk yawns, and curls his arms over Todd, burying his face unabashedly into his friend. His long, gangly body dressed in nothing but a pair of boxers and a tank top, pressing tightly against Todd.

Todd was having a small crisis right about now.

He was awake long after Dirk’s breathing had evened out. What was he doing? This was his best ( _only_ , his brain supplied) friend and they were, what, cuddling? It wasn’t exactly normal, but then again nothing inside Dirk’s bubble even touched the word normal so he supposed it was ok.

It didn’t make him uncomfortable, quite the contrary actually. He was a bit too comfortable with it, and that made him uncomfortable. It felt almost like he was taking advantage of the situation. Using it to press his affections all over the person he could never touch.

His heart ached to see Dirk upset though, and he needed the physical reassurance just as much as Dirk appeared to. He wanted to wrap his entire being around Dirk and force the sadness from him with his hands, arms, legs, lips and _God_ did it ache. It was a throbbing need beneath his skin that constantly threatened to burst forth outside of these late night moments.

Todd closed his eyes, trying to banish the desperate little pangs his heart gave off every time he made himself aware of Dirk’s body against his.

* * *

 

The next night Todd’s eyes prized themselves open at 2:55am. He looked blearily at his phone screen and rolled over onto his back, staring towards the door. Sure enough it creaked open a solid five minutes later. He wondered curiously what significance 3am held in all of this.

Dirk, upon seeing that Todd was already awake, climbed into bed without a word and buried his face in Todd’s shoulder, hardly even fighting back the tears.

“Why won’t they leave me alone?” He shuddered into the pitch black night, sounding hopeless. “I just want to sleep.”

“It’s ok, Dirk. I’m here now.” He gingerly stretches his arm over Dirk, running his hand down his spine, finding the corner of the duvet to cover his shaking body.

It takes a few minutes of being wrapped up together before Dirk’s breathing evens out, and his sobs become muted. Todd wonders if dropping a kiss is still on the table. He does it anyway; just a small peck on the top of Dirk’s ear.

He stops crying altogether, and the room is still.

“Dirk,” His voice croaks on the word. “Why is it always 3am?”

Dirk seems to shift almost guiltily then, hiding his face a little deeper in Todd’s neck, nose pressing up again the other mans skin. Todd shivers.

“It’s not. 3am, I mean. Every night it’s 2am almost precisely that it wakes me up. The same thing every time.”

“But, you don’t come here until 3.”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “I try to get through it without bothering you, if at all possible. Sometimes I just can’t.”

Todd rolls over, pulling Dirk flush against him, holding his chin over the mans head and kissing him there again. “Dirk, you- it’s not… it doesn’t bother me, you being here. I’d rather you woke me up every night than faced whatever it is alone.”

He can feel Dirk pushing a hand against his lower back, anchoring them together, and his fingertips finding Todd’s bare skin. He focuses on the heat, the intimacy of the contact, then Dirk speaks again.

“Thank you, Todd.”

* * *

 

They still haven’t spoken about the nightmares.

It had been almost a week of on-and-off bed sharing and mutual comfort, and Todd still didn’t understand the motivating factor behind it. He didn’t want to pry or upset Dirk, but he really, _really_ wanted to know.

He knew he was pretty shit at offering up advice on any matter, but maybe there was something he could say to help put Dirk at ease. What if the dreams were about something Todd could assure wouldn’t happen? He almost hoped Dirk’s nightmares were about him, so he could swear absolutely that he’d never leave, never hurt him, never ever let him down again.

They exist as two separate entities. Inside their late night moments, and in the light of day where they’re just Dirk and Todd, best friends and somewhat coworkers.

But at night. God. It felt loaded with emotions and full of possibly and Todd couldn’t bring himself to let go of that chance. He wasn’t even sure if Dirk felt it too, but whatever it was, it was electric.

* * *

 

The next four nights Todd awoke at 3:15, 2:46, 2:11, 3:40. And no sign of Dirk. Maybe the dreams had stopped? Maybe he didn’t need Todd anymore?

No, every morning Dirk looked increasingly worse, the bags under his eyes were sinking him in a trench of fatigue, and he was miles away from his normal enthusiastic energy. He had to say something.

“Dirk,” He leans back on his chair, tucked into the makeshift desk in their shoe cupboard of an office. He’s trying to negotiate car insurance for a man who hasn’t owned a car for more than three days. His job is a joke.

“Mhmm?” Comes Dirk’s reply as he ponders over brightly coloured strings and blurry pictures taken on his phone.

“Are you- have you been sleeping ok?” He spies Farah’s eyes shifting between them and swallows against his self consciousness.

“Yes, I’m quite fine.” His voice is hoarse. Todd doesn’t believe him one bit.

He decides to drop it though, the thought already out there for Dirk to consider. Todd is worried and whilst he doesn’t want to pressure Dirk into a situation that may have been making him uncomfortable, he doesn’t want his friend to suffer anymore.

Todd tries to craft a plan, but nothing short of being pathetically desperate springs to mind.

When he leaves the office, Dirk in tow and Farah long gone, he tries another approach.

He pushes past the lump in his throat to say “Why is it always 2am?”

“I’m sorry?” Dirk’s sudden response reminds Todd that they haven’t actually talked about it outside of the early morning hours, tucked up against each other and exchanging touches too intimate for daylight.

“You said the nightmares, they uh, always happen at the same time. I’m just- I’m trying to figure it out.” He frowns and falls behind Dirk, their walk to the apartment almost at an end.

Soon they’ll part and Dirk will disappear upstairs, and Todd will be left waiting helplessly until 3am passes him by, cold and hopeful.

“Listen, Todd. There’s nothing to understand. This isn’t a case or some great mystery. It’s all quite straightforward.” He stops abruptly in front of Todd and gives him this _look_ , intense and full of something he doesn’t often see in his eyes. A look he’s used to seeing only in the mirror; bitter, lost, and broken. “Blackwing.” He spits. “Every morning at 2am they’d wake me up. Every morning for a year. They would push me through tests until I would quite literally collapse from exhaustion, and then they’d keep going.”

Todd reaches out, seeking some of that too-familiar comfort they’ve crafted in touch and warmth. Dirk flinches away. It hurts.

“When they weren’t getting results they started showing me things. Pictures. Of people who were hurt. They told me it was my fault because I couldn’t tell them anything useful. They wanted me to predict the future. But no one can, Todd. And even if I could, I can’t stop it happening.” His fists were tight, drawn against his side as if he was trying to stay upright like a soldier. His eyes unmoving from a spot above Todd’s head.

“Now the nightmares have come back. And I think I’d much prefer if you let me deal with them alone.” With that Dirk marched up the steps and retreated into the building, leaving Todd trembling on the sidewalk.

* * *

 

  
He climbs into bed the second he slams his door in anger. How dare Dirk blow him off like that? Ok, maybe Todd was being irrational, but it’d _hurt_ to hear Dirk refuse his help. And it had hurt even more to hear what he’d been through in Blackwing, even by his limited account.

He crawled grumpily under the covers and hid himself from the agitation of the setting sun. The screen of his phone mocking him with the sight of 19:28.

Todd dozed for a while before jolting awake again at midnight.

His throat was scratchy and there was a persistent itch at the base of his spine. Rolling over the bed and off into the kitchen took more effort than it was worth.

Against the quite hum from the refrigerator Todd could think only of Dirk. Thoughts of the man too paranoid to sleep and pacing just one floor above him was torture. Todd looked over at his door, praying it would squeak open.

Although, why should Dirk be the one to seek out Todd? If he was being stubborn and determined to suffer, Todd couldn’t leave it in the hands of a man who thought the universe was the only thing taking care of him.

 _Screw you, universe._ Todd thought. He could do a much better job.

Tiptoeing up the stairs in the poorly insulated building made Todd regret not putting his socks back on. With only a pair of flimsy shorts and a worn t-shirt, he was shivering already.

Once he reached Dirk’s door he had a moment to doubt himself, but the door clicked open too easily for it not to be a sign. He stepped through the threshold and scanned the apartment, looking for signs that Dirk was actually home.

When he caught sight of Dirk wrapped in a blanket on the sofa his heart sank. He looked lonely, clasping at a mug of something, headphones plugged into the laptop he’d borrowed from Farah. It was playing some black and white movie, cowboys chasing across the screen in low quality.

Todd approached careful, trying not to startle the man. Dirk turned his head lazily to address Todd before looking back at the screen, hazy and unfocused.

“What do you want Todd?” He sighs in a way that makes Todd feel like crying.

“Dirk, please.” He watches as Dirk pulls the headphones out of his ears, letting them drop against the now closed lid of the laptop. The detective sighs deeply once more. “Come to bed?”

“Todd.” His voice is soft now. He drops his head to the back of the couch, turning to look at Todd with heavy eyes and a deep frown.

“Please. I can’t sleep.” Todd doesn’t care anymore. He sounds pathetic. But for some reason he needs to know that Dirk is safe before he can relax, or even attempt sleep again.

When it doesn’t look like Dirk will move any time soon, Todd moves behind the couch, arms dropping either side of Dirk’s shoulders, leaning down and kissing his temple tentatively. “Please.” He whispers again into the shell of Dirk’s ear. “I’m tired.”

Todd tells himself it’s okay to be this vulnerable around Dirk. He’s already seen the man open and exposed, and returning the sentiment only seems fair. It works, because Dirk is following Todd’s touch away from the sofa, allowing the shorter man to lead him by the hand to his bed.

They settle themselves on their respective sides of the bed, and Todd’s heart leaps at the familiarity of it all. Todd pulls Dirk’s body close, positions his arm over his waist, tucking an ankle over the mans foot. “I just want you to be ok.”

Upon feeling no protest, he leans across to where Dirk’s head is resting against the pillow and kisses his forehead, lingering with his bottom lip on Dirk’s skin until he feels a strong thump in his chest. He battles through it, and kisses him again.

“Is this okay?” Todd asks.

Dirk nods in return.

They lay quietly for a while but it doesn’t take long for Dirk to crack under the mounting exhaustion. He’s out faster than Todd can catch up to the racing of his heart, lips tingling with the memory.

* * *

 

Todd wakes up to the feeling of Dirk’s face tucked into his neck, warm breath panting into his exposed skin. A shiver rolls down his body, ending at the tips of his toes. He reaches his arm out to stroke gently down Dirk’s shoulder, and somehow finds him awake too.

“Nightmare again?” There’s a lump in his throat and he’s ready for the tears. But they don’t come.

“No. Actually, just losing sensation in my leg.” There’s an edge to his voice that suggests he’s more rested than earlier, despite only two hours passing.

Todd then jerks his leg away, realising he’d been anchoring himself to Dirk with his thighs, cutting off the circulation to the other mans leg in the process. “Shit, sorry!”

He hears what sounds like a short laugh coming from Dirk, and he twists round to examine his face. Todd is greeted with the sight of a blissful looking Dirk, and he realises all too suddenly that he’d do anything for him.

The thought sobers him and he untangles his body entirely from Dirk, rolling onto his side to face the man. “Are you okay though? I mean, you feel alright?” His eyes shift to inspect a stray thread on the bedsheets.

“I’m fine, Todd. No more massacres in my head tonight.” It’s meant to be a throw away comment, but Todd catches it before the moment can pass.

“That what you were seeing?”

“Yes.” Dirk’s smile fades a little as he looks at Todd. “It was you though.”

Their eyes are locked intensely before Todd can bring himself to talk.

“You dreamt about me? Getting like, brutally murdered?” The dangerously sad look dawning on Dirk’s face is all the answer he needs. It shakes him up in the worst way. “But, why?”

It’s a stupid fucking question, of course. He knows it’s not something to be controlled, but it feels to Todd like there must be a reason. There’s never a strong feeling that passes through Todd that he doesn’t act on these days. Before Dirk he had the power of denial and rationale on his side, but now he couldn’t bring himself to be oblivious.

“You’re important, obviously. Of all the people I could lose like that, you’re the worst. Couldn’t-” Dirk closes his eyes on the feeling, shutting out what could easily turn into hot, embarrassing tears.

“Hey,” Todd cups Dirk’s chin, encouraging him to open his eyes. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” He can see the tears already welling up, and his heart mirrors the feeling. “It’s ok, I’ve got you.” Todd whispers, leaning in to press soft kisses on Dirk’s head, cheek, nose, eyelids, and eventually the corner of his mouth.

Lost in the moment, it takes him a second to catch up to what he’s done. He jolts himself back and examines Dirk’s face for a reaction.

It’s peaceful though, the smooth lines of his lips and eyes looking content rather than uncomfortable. And when Dirk realises Todd’s stopped he opens his eyes once more.

Wordlessly and in one fluid moment, Dirk’s face is inches from Todd’s, their mouths lining up and pushing ever so slightly together. It’s a poor reflection of a real kiss, but it entirely flips Todd on his axis. Before he can regret it he surges forward, hand cupping the back of Dirk’s neck, and plants his lips carefully between those of the man he’s spent the last two weeks dreaming of.

It’s a hard meeting of soft skin, warm and damp and desperate, clinging needy to each other with hands and arms. It’s blissful, that moment, lost in the comfort of their bodies, taking and giving all they can afford. It’s presses on, lips parting, tongues timidly colliding and grazing one another.

They pull back with a short peck, Dirk’s hand against Todd’s heart and Todd grasping at whatever parts of Dirk he can reach. Their breaths mingle in the small space between, blowing hot air in the otherwise cold room. Foreheads together, Todd’s eyes flicker open to see an awestruck Dirk.

“You okay there?” He whispers, not wanting to break the thing that was building beneath them.

“Never better.” Dirk hums, moving up to rub the tip of his nose against Todd’s. “Can we sleep now?” He asks lazily.

“Of course.” He’s afraid. Whatever is transpiring within them is unspoken, and whilst it puts Todd on edge he trusts Dirk with everything. He’d trust him with anything. “I’ve got you.” He murmurs into the dark, eyes gravitating closed as he sinks into sleep.

Neither of them wake again until late morning.


End file.
